Ways To Recognize Toxic Friendships

You do not need to apply a scientific method to know that having friends is extremely beneficial. Besides the developmental benefits, having friends opens the pathway for emotional support. From making each other laugh to consoling each other through hard times, emotional exchange is the foundation of a good friendship. However, there are some friendships where one person gives while the other person takes. Not surprisingly, bad friendships are quite common. A simple Google search using the term "bad friends" quickly generates 324 million results, from published articles to sporty t-shirts. The acknowledgement and commonality of bad friendships is obvious. While not condoning different kinds of friendships, here are some ways to recognize if you are in a toxic relationship, either the taker or giver, and how to change it.

The Unaware

Sometimes, people say or do things without thinking. Other times, people treat others badly because they grew up in a household that taught them misinformed ways. As a result, some people are unaware that they are bad friends, simply because they don't know any better. These people have an opinion about every part of your life, from whom you should date to what college courses you should take. The unaware believes that they are being a good friend because they have taken the time to analyze your life for you. The unaware will cross boundaries very often, even after you reinforce that you do not want them to cross certain boundaries. Unfortunately, the unaware has a strong compulsion to inject themselves into every part of your life, believing that they have a better perspective of your life than you do.

The Users

The user has a strong tendency to gravitate toward people who are more than often willing to help them. In fact, most of the time, the users will dominate conversations or will only contact you when it's convenient. The user has very little boundaries and is very in tune to certain people who love to help or who have a hard time saying no. As a result, the user exploits their friend's loyalty and desire to be needed.

The Fakers

The fakers are the most toxic friends you can have, simply because the entire friendship is reliant on their personal gain. Fakers have a tendency of having an overly inflated ego with a fragile sense of self. As such, fakers garner friendships with people who they deem less than themselves. For example, a faker will befriend someone who they deem to be less attractive than them, to draw more attention from others. Fakers have no boundaries and will become defensive if you call them out on their malicious behavior. In the end, befriending a faker is toxic and can result in negative emotional turmoil.

Of the three types of bad friends mentioned, the unaware are the only people that you may want to consider keeping as friends. The users and fakers, however, are emotionally toxic relationships that need to be severed. Severing a friendship can sometimes be arduous and similar to a breakup. Severing a friendship requires one to be direct. If at all possible, try to meet face-to-face in a neutral location. Use this as an opportunity to set or reinforce your boundaries with an unaware friend, so that you two can remain friends. For your friend who is either a user or a faker, this is your opportunity to let them know that you no longer see them as a friend and that this is the last time you will be spending time together. You can tell them how you've been hurt by certain situations, but do not be surprised if the user or the faker does not respond sympathetically or with remorse.

Building a friendship is tough, but maintaining a friendship is far more difficult. Although being in a friendship puts you in a vulnerable position, sometimes being in these positions teach us more about life and about ourselves. However, if you are going to take the chance of being vulnerable with another person, please make sure that that person respects and reciprocates that vulnerability. Do you recognise yourself or somebody you know as one of these types? Let us know how you dealt with it in the comments below.

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