How To Deal With a Toxic Family

Do you have a toxic family and you're not sure what to do? Having a toxic family member can be detrimental because family is supposed to be defined by love and support. This is a betrayal of the highest order, and something, if left untreated, that will haunt someone for the rest of their lives.

It's difficult to even admit a family member is toxic, and the treatment isn't easy. Although we do recommend reaching out to a professional for help, here are a few tips to ponder while you decide what to do.

Make Clear Boundaries

Number one: make clear boundaries for yourself. We know that it sounds simple to say, "Hey I like this, and I don't like that," and you're right, it does seem straightforward, so why does this toxic person continue to be able to cross those boundaries?

It might be that, due to fear, being worn down, or not realizing that it's happening, you haven't made the boundaries clear. The problem with toxic family members is not only that they know you well, but they exercise that knowledge regularly to get at you. They know where all the thin spots are.

Clarifying a boundary is like adding an extra fortification, or making your house out of brick rather than straw, and filling in all the gaps. So you need to be super clear with yourself on not only what your boundaries are, but why. Give it some backup.

Distance

Number two: distance. We mean either emotionally or physically. Because physically isn't always realistically possible, emotional distance involves cutting off the gifts you've been giving.

What gifts, you ask. The gift of you, the gift of knowing anything meaningful about you, like your interests, goals, secrets, or memories. Those were things you previously shared with them, and they responded by repeatedly, maliciously using that information to hurt you.

They have proven themselves undeserving, so you get to stop the flow. It's okay to say you don't wish to talk on a subject, or not answer a question. If you must speak with them, you can have cordial contact, also known as keeping them at an arms' length.

Arguments

Number three: don't argue or justify. You know the drill. It's been a blissful week of peace from that condescending, gaslighting family member, but then a call or email will come, and it'll be something that seems to require a conversation.

So you, being compassionate, ask them what's going on, and it devolves into drama and arguments. Alert: you might wanna fight back and provide proof to support yourself.

Hold Strong

Number four: hold strong to yourself. You need to be your own anchor and lighthouse. Having that strong, solid sense of self means accepting and understanding that no one, including yourself, is perfect, and that you still know who you are, regardless of snags along the way.

We understand you can feel shame or guilt, but knowing yourself lets you know what to do about it, or even if it's warranted. Did you purposefully and consciously act with malicious intent? When it comes to that toxic family member, chances are pretty good that you didn't.

Find Support

And number five: find support. No man is an island, and people work better together. Having and building that support net to catch you is important, even necessary.

Healing and breaking away from abuse is a process that takes time. Be forgiving and patient with yourself. Nobody, including you, deserves abuse, and you are worthy of so much more.

What other advice do you think could be helpful? Are you trying any of the tips we talked about? Discuss and share in the comments. Thanks so much for watching and we'll see you soon. Take care.