Does Closeness Kill Relationships?

What do many broken Hollywood couples such as Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have in common? The couple was incredibly similar and very close. They were like twins! Dressing and speaking similarly but no longer being identified as their own individual persons but rather as a pair. They were able to flawlessly describe their partner who are unable to go a whole day without seeing them and shared everything with each other. Is this unhealthy? Does this lead to breakups?

It has been noted by researchers that those couples who are very similar lack a sense of individualism. Because they're physically and emotionally the same person they do not tend to have long-lasting relationships with each other compared to those who have some distance between them. However, it is important to add that researchers also note that closeness is most likely not the root of the problem but rather the lack of distance.

Inclusion of Other Self is a test given by psychologists that measures how close that someone feels to their partner in their relationship. Often done by a pictorial, questionnaire, or paper test they look at how much the couple share personality traits, identity, values, and points of view. Through this test medical researchers can correlate closeness and happiness. It was found that couples who had some distance were the happiest and strongest. Not too much distance nor too little. The couples, as Professor Foster noted, knew that they could be closer but they were happy being as close as they were.

It's not how close you feel that matters most, it's whether you are as close as you want to be, even if that's not really that close at all. People who yearn for a more intimate relationship and people who crave more distance are equally at risk of having a problematic relationship.

In order to find a relationship that better suits you, set out with an idea of how close would you like to be with your partner and do not settle with someone who falls above or below your standard. That way there's less potential for fights over being too clingy or too distant. It'll be at the closeness level that you both prefer. This tactic, stated by Foster, could be used not only in romantic relationships but also platonic relationships such as with family members, co-workers, and friends. This way you can be happy in all your relationships.

Do you like being close with your partner or do you like your space? Have you ever felt too close or too far away from your partner? Or have you been in a healthy and long-lasting relationship when you were both incredibly similar?