How Your Childhood Shapes Your Adult Life: 8 Influences You Need to Know

Do you ever wonder how you turned out the way you are? Or why some adults are more uptight, while others are fun and delightful? As cliché as it sounds, the answer often traces back to your childhood. The environment and experiences you had growing up play a significant role in shaping your personality, behavior, and even your lifestyle as an adult. Whether your memories make you cringe or fill you with nostalgia, it's important to recognize that it's never too late to change your future, even if certain past events have set the stage for particular outcomes.

1. Highly Strict Parents: The Path to Codependency

If your parents were highly strict, you might find yourself growing up to be co-dependent. Did you have an overbearing mother who picked out every outfit for you? Or perhaps an inflexible father who made you practice sports instead of hanging out with friends? While they may have meant well, or believed they were doing what was best for you, helicopter parenting has harmful side effects. A major one is that you're more likely to grow up co-dependent. As an adult, you might rely on your partner to take care of chores or struggle to adapt to the demands of work life.

2. Broken Marriages: How They Influence Romantic Demands

Pam from "The Office" once said, "When you're a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates." Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case. Divorce rates in America are now as high as 40-50%, meaning a significant number of marriages end in separation. If your parents divorced, especially during your early childhood, studies show that you're prone to having higher demands in romantic relationships. You may expect your partner to exhibit a higher degree of morality, loyalty, and compassion, seeking a relationship you can fully trust.

3. Micromanagement: A Pathway to Depression

If your parents micromanaged you, you're more likely to develop depression. We’ve already talked about codependency, but depression is another damaging side effect of authoritarian parenting. Growing up with parents who made all the decisions for you can lead to feelings of incompetence, as if you're unable to solve problems on your own. Instead of being nurtured to learn from your mistakes, you were likely forced into decisions that made you unhappy, fostering feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem that can follow you into adulthood, potentially manifesting into depression.

4. Screen Time vs. Reading: How It Affects Communication Skills

If your parents watched TV with you as a toddler instead of reading to you, it could have suppressed your communication skills. We often see commercials of mothers reading to their babies, and this advertisement actually has value. Studies show that when a mother and child watch TV together, the mother makes fewer comments to the child. Conversely, reading together encourages the child to ask questions and prompts a higher response rate from the mother, which enhances the child’s communication skills.

5. Copying Parents: Openness to Cultural Norms

Did you often imitate your parents growing up? Even if their actions didn't always make sense, you might have sensed they had a purpose. Research shows that when children imitate the behaviors of their parents, they are more likely to adapt to cultural norms. For example, a study had an adult show a child how to open a box with sticks. Although it would be more practical to use their fingers, the child followed the adult’s example, indicating that imitation can lead to greater cultural awareness and openness to other norms.

6. The Consequences of Spanking: Developing Sneakiness

If you were spanked as a child, you might become sneakier as an adult. In some countries, spanking is now illegal and considered a form of physical abuse. Depending on its severity, spanking can have harmful effects, including academic problems and even health issues like an increased risk of cancer, heart disease, and respiratory diseases. Additionally, spanking can lead to sneakier behavior in adulthood. According to author Daniel Pink, trying to influence a child’s behavior through rewards and punishment doesn’t always produce the desired results. Children who were spanked might work harder to avoid punishment rather than genuinely adopting the behavior their parents wanted.

7. Parents with Addictions: The Birth of Perfectionism

If your parents had a drug or alcohol addiction, you might be more susceptible to perfectionism. Do you know someone who is serious, has a strong work ethic, and is a bit of a perfectionist? Chances are, they might have grown up taking care of their parents. When a child has parents who struggle with addiction, they often have to mature faster and take on household responsibilities. This environment can lead to a perfectionist attitude in adulthood. Conversely, some children might adopt their parents’ habits, which can manifest as depression, anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness.

8. A Close Relationship with Your Father: Healthier Adult Relationships

If you have a close relationship with your father, you're more likely to enter healthier relationships as an adult. We’ve all heard the term "daddy issues" used to describe someone who grew up without a father, and unfortunately, research supports the idea that father-child relationships have lasting impacts. One study examined the quality of father-child relationships among three groups: orphans, children of divorced parents, and children in stable families. The results showed that children who had a close relationship with their father were more likely to form healthy romantic relationships in adulthood. When we learn to love and be patient with our parents, we’re more likely to carry those qualities into our romantic relationships.